Expecting?

I don't even quite know where to start. Tyson and I are finally expecting our first baby. Due the middle of October. We are beyond thrilled.

It's hard to talk about our journey but it's so essential. We are beyond blessed and the trial of conceiving has been among those blessings. After three years of marriage we knew it was the right time. We were both excited and scared. I thought for sure I would be pregnant the first month - maybe the 2nd. But I wasn't. I didn't get pregnant the 2nd, or 3rd, or 6th or 7th.

After 7 months of trying we went to see a specialist. It turned out that Tyson had a condition called "vericocele". His dad had the exact same thing. It means that he's testes acts like a microwave - just too plain hot to keep his sperm alive. The doctor said it would be very hard to conceive naturally. We were both heartbroken. It was very low point in my life and I wish I could say I took it like a champ and my faith grew. I wasn't. Instead I went through days of rage and bitterness. As the weeks went by I knew I need to change my heart. I remember reading "god's delays are not god's denials" and it brought peace but also acted as a call to action. I needed to snap out of my "me bubble" and see my blessings all around. Tyson and I increased our prayers, temple attendance and fasting toward a medical solution that would help us someday have our own children.

This is where it gets good.

Two weeks go by after our appointment with Dr. Mills (Who is an amazing urologist). I start to get sick and without even realizing it - I'm 5 days late. In our 8 months of trying I've been late up to 5 days and then started my period. I thought this was the same thing. Six days, seven days ... eight freaking days late. I was mad because I though this was some cruel joke from the heavens. After 8 days and some proving I took a test - waited and waited and waited. Pacing, praying and trying to come up with a way to cheer myself up for the inevitable negative.

Positive.

The freaking test was positive. How is that even possible when 14 days earlier the doctor said it could not happen. I took a 2nd one. Same thing. I got on my knees. I cried as I prayed. I wasn't happy per se - I was confused and really really really really humbled. The next day I took a third one. Still same thing. I knew I had to tell Tyson. I went to Walmart and bought some girl shoes to put on strings and wrote up a letter that said "congratulations daddy you are going to have your own Gerber baby" and put my pregnancy test on it.

He was surprisingly calm. The next couple of months were a blur of insurance and keeping my off my feet and lots of prayers that I would carry the baby full term. We told my family and his family after 10 weeks.

So now I am 14 weeks. Due the middle of October. I'm sick, have headaches and crave fruits - but I don't really care. I'm pregnant. I'm having a baby. I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world. God works in mysterious ways. This song always comes to mind when I think of my life:

all I've ever wanted, all I've ever dreamed off
everything I hoped, and all the things I've prayed for
couldn't hold a candle to what I've been given
I've been given what I need ....

The Lord is oh so good. He is oh so patient and so loving. This sweet baby is just another witness that He knows our struggles and how much we can take. I'm so grateful for the gospel and so grateful for my sweet Tyson.