Not a good Day ...

Today was not a good day. There I said it. Most days I absolutly love being a mom and can't get enough of Sydney. Today I fell short.

I was impatient. I was worried. I was mad. For some weird reason I was off. Sydney took her morning nap just fine. Her short The mid morning nap was great. Then her 2 pm nap - too short and I made the fatal mistake of not going to sooth her as I usually do. If she makes a sound - I go, soothe really quick and she will get another hour in.

I didn't this time. So the rest of the day she only took 20-30 minutes mini naps. She was mad and tired. I tried to put her down and Sydney would not stay down. Then I was impatient and all I could think about was how bedtime could not come soon enough. Then the guilt set in.

guilt that I was not patient enough, loving enough, consistant enough. Surely other mothers would love their babies even more during days like these. As I was feeding Sydney her last meal I kept saying "what do you say we try this again tomorrow...?" Like some imaginary "undo" button.

The hard part is that I work tomorrow. Thank heavens I only work part time, but the thought of leaving her really kills me. I know I need to do it. I also count my blessings that I only need to work part time and I still get the free apartment - its still hard.

So today was not my best day. Some would wonder why post? Because I want to remember that as tough as days like these are - I would never trade my sweet Sydney and what a blessing she is. Maybe someday she will read this when she is a new mom and she gets a small amount of strenght and sense of encouragement. It really does feel so lonely.