LIttle Green Ray of Sunshine

Last night Sydney woke up at 4:30 am. That hadn't happend for almost a month. In a way I'm kind of glad though (She is probably going through a growth spurt since she downed 5 ounces and then went straight back to sleep).You see part of me wonders if I could do it "again". The new newborn stage thing. We want to have more babies and so we decided since we have ferttility issues anyway, for me to never go back on birth control. We have been told that the chances of us "accidently" getting pregnant are pretty slim, so we are not worried. We are hopeful. We want to get pregnant sooner rather than later.

Which goes back to my weird fear. Sydney is at such a sweet spot. She's fun, she laughes, she S.L.E.E.P.S. We worked really really hard to get her on a good routine and thankfully it's been so worth the work. Sydney is so happy, because she is well rested. But what if I can't do that again? What if doing the feeding every three hours, 24/7 is too much? What if it really does kill me this time? I think being a first time parent gives you this extra motivation to do the middle-of-night-feedings, you dont' know know any differently. However with the 2nd one you know just how hard it will be. I guess that's the part that scares me. I think about it alot actually and I try to convince myself that I could do it again, and probably better and faster because I actually know that I will know and love my baby.

I know it's a weird thought since Sydney is only 4 months old, but my mind races at night. I think about everything - Sydney, Tyson, work, baking, money, work outs, clothes ..... and sometimes it feels like too much. So I shut my mind out and focus on the now. Like Sunday morning when Sydney looked like a little leprechaun :)