Conference Weekend

Conference Weekend was really relaxing. For the first time in our 9 years of marriage, we did NOT have people over. Instead, Tyson and I watched all 4 sessions, attended priesthood and really focused on being together and with the girls. 

Saturday, Mine watched the girls so Tyson and I just sat on the couch and listened, talked and prayed. Sunday, we watched while the girls played outside or played legos or catch potato bugs - we then took a long walk on Sunday and the girls rode their bikes. It was a really nice day. This whole last week has felt so slow - which is good, but also my restless mind makes me feel like I am lazy. 

I had a great 1 on 1 session with Tania on Friday and we talked about some of my hardest thoughts associated with Baby B's passing. I have to say, I never realized how much I shut people out when I hurt. Thankfully Tania has really kept the communication lines open between me and Tyson. I still have my moments where I want to retreat - mostly late in the day or when I've pushed my body too hard. 

Mostly, during conference, we just felt remembered - by God, by Christ. Sometimes you feel like you are going through a trial and you are so totally alone. But It's not the case. I have to fight this thought.

I'm letting myself grieve. It's weird even saying that, but not just for Baby B, but for our many months of unanswered prayers and the many setbacks we have experienced this year. Through it all, I am learning a deeper faith and trust. 

More than anything, I am grateful for people who have wrapped their arms around my little family. The funny thing - it's not who I thought it would be. It's not family or even who I would consider my closest friends - but more just those close enough to serve us and who we are barely starting to get to know. 

It's our bishop, our VT, our Elders Quorum - people who we know, but at a distance. They have brought the most comfort and help. I am so thankful for them.