Sometimes ...

The last two weeks coming home from Utah have been hard. Not only are the  girls trying to readjust to  being home but I'm just not myself. I've been really struggling being a happy mom lately. Sydney has been really difficult and that's an understatement. She has been doing this thing where she keeps wanting me and only me. Sounds cute but it isn't. I lose my patience all the time and just want to run away. Tyson has even mentioned how I've not been myself lately and it's true. Sydney is stubborn as ever and her tantrums have gotten worse and worse. We learned that Sydney does not do well being contained or even touched when she is angry. We tried doing the corner and it only made her worse. So now we are putting her in a separate room to calm down.

London has been doing well - she is so easy going that I feel like we forget her sometimes - kills me. It's sad when the easy going child gets  put in the backburner. Anyway, we are trying to keep the routine. We read a lot, we spend a lot of time outside just chilling. I guess the thing that I want my girls to remember is that even though it's tough - like really tough, I know things will get better and that having children is  part of the real way to achieve happiness. I started thinking that maybe we should only have two  kids - because three sounds just way way way too much to handle but then I think about how right having three kids felt even right after London was born. 

I've been doing lots of purging and lots of organizing. Its my only weird attempt to get back to normal. Tyson has been trying to be supportive. I think the weird thing is also that I have stopped taking my medication and maybe my body and mind need time to adjust. We'll keep fighting the good fight. It's funny because I keep taking pictures of the girls - mostly because I have faith that I will look back and actually cherish these times. Even though I can't quite feel it in the middle, I want to capture it. Like London having her little bald spot - so funny right? /