London smiles

Look at this sweet face. We went to the doctors and he said the oxygen will stay for two weeks. We are having an Oxygen test next week. She is slowly gaining weight but still not back to her birth weight.

Last night was rough. I was up until 1 am. Sydney was up twice. Years were shed as the reality of mothering two babies set in. I prayed for help but at the same time still felt massively overwhelmed. I keep taking deep breaths and taking it hour but hour.

Going home ...

After 5 days we were released from children's hospital. I was both happy and terrified. They sent London home with 1/16th of oxygen. We also got a machine at home to refill her tanks. Not sure how long she will need it. We go to her doctor tomorrow to do a oxygen test and see how she does on her own.

The first night home no one slept since we were so worried about London and her oxygen. The 2nd day was very emotional for me. My mom and grandma were constantly worried about London while I was trying to stay calm. Sydney is still showing jealousy showdowns. I'm tired and sometimes right down depressed. Still I try to count my blessings that London is pretty healthy and on very little oxygen. It's nice to have help and just someone to talk to. Our ward continues to bless us with food and prayers. Tyson has been amazing and so strong through i it all. He works all day and continuous to help at night. I don't know what I would do without my partner in crime. He is pretty dang amazing.

It's times like these that make me reflect on god and his blessings. It's funny when you pray for something really hard - and the opposite happens. You really get to know the kind if faith you have. I have tried really really hard to focus on the things that have gone right in the midst of London being hospitalized. God has show us a lot of mercy without taking the trial away. It's been a humbling experience for sure.

Hospital stay

With Sydney being so sick we have been super careful with London. At night I am only taking care of Sydney and during the day we were changing shirts every time we switched babies.

I kept praying that London would not get it. We gave her a blessing on Wednesday but Thursday morning I could hear her get weezy and struggling to breath. We watched her all day along with the snow falling down. First big snow storm of the year.

Well the next morning she was still wheezy. I felt I should take her in. I called the children's hospital and talked to a nurse. She listened to her breathing On the phone and suggested I bring her in.

We got everything ready and then my grandma and I took both babies in. They hooked London up to see her oxygen and took a mucus sample to see if its RSV

London was doing great. She slept for an hour at which point I needed to take Sydney home for a nap so my grandma stayed with London. I got home and put Sydney down. 20 minutes later the hospital called - London's oxygen went down. Fast. They felt she was in trouble. They wanted to admit her to the aurora campus- via life flight.

I called Tyson to let him know. He got off work and hurried home. The three of us drove to the hospital. We signed the paperwork and saw that a thick fog started to cover the area. The ambulance came instead. Ty took grandma and Sydney home. I took the 30 minute drive in the front seat of the ambulance to the aurora campus.

We arrived at the hospital and went straight to the NICU. The put London on oxygen and checked her vitals. After an hour the doctor on call came in to introduce herself and explain what we should expect. The mucus sample came back positive for RSV, which dosent have a cure. The only thing they could do is help London with secretions or mucus so that she can breath easier. The condition gets worse over 5-7 days before heading down hill. They said we should expect London to get worse before better but that they have many procedures as she gets worse.

So it's a waiting game. London eats every 3 hours and sleeps and plays. Today we have sucked out her mucus 4 times. The staff so far has been amazing. Last night Tyson slept in the room while I slept in a family room. I got 7 hours of straight sleep. I haven't had that for almost 5 months without getting up to pee.

For sure sisters

London at children's hospital

Turning 30

Today I'm 30 years old. Wow! What a milestone. I wish I could say that I took time to look back on  my life and take inventory  but being knee deep in diapers, a sick toddler, a newborn, recovering from labor - makes that a little harder. 

Still turning 30 is  a big deal so we have to celebrate. Tyson decorated the house for me, bought me flowers and made the most hilarious card from scratch. The card was a perfect reflection of the craziness we have been feeling - and how wonderful it all really is. 

I took a shower today. I CURLED my hair folks. I put on make up and for the first time in two weeks wore regular clothes. Tonight Tyson and I will go to dinner. 

London is 8 days old today.The last week has flown by and also lasted forever. Sydney has been soooo sick. I know it was the Dtap shot we gave her on Thursday  She has been sicker than a dog ever since. Coughing all night, fever, being extremely needy. It's amazing how a sick toddler is way harder than a newborn. Two nights ago Sydney was up every 45 minutes all night long. All. Night. Long. Finally after I gave her a bath at 3 am she slept from 4-630. I was exhausted. Luckily my grandma and Debbie took care of London so she was taken care of. Sadly after all was said and done I had gone 12 hours without holding London. I'm so scared of getting her sick so I change clothes every time I hold Sydney so I don't use the same clothes with London. 

London has been a really sweetie. She is happy as can be. a bit fussy at night but honestly so much easier than I remember Sydney being. I know she still really new and the real test will come the closer I get to the dreaded six weeks. Still I count my blessings. Having my grandma and Debbie here has been smoother than I expected. They are great at taking care of London since Sydney seems to only want me. I can already tell the jealousy kicking in. Every time I hold London Sydney runs to me and starts crying for me to hold her. They only other person she might go to is Tyson when he gets home from work. 

Debbie leaves tomorrow and my mom arrives two days later. I'm sooo excited for my mom to meet London. I have to say my connection with London came so much faster and easier than with Sydney. I look at London and want to melt. At the same time Tyson says he is feeling a little  more distant. Tyson and Sydney continue to be best buds. 

We also finally go Sydney a Learning Tower off Craigslist. $100 baby! Sydney really loves it. It's heavy but it's so fun. 

So here's to turning 30. Two kids. One husband. No sleep. Life is pretty great. 

London Birth Story Part 2

I felt this huge pressure and it just left like I was going poop. I pushed and instantly felt the head out but the urge to continue to poop stayed even though the doctors kept saying "don't push dont push". All I wanted was to keep pushing and so I took my strength and pushed even though they told me not to. All of the sudden I felt her completely out and a huge gush of blood followed. 

After London was out, I was still pretty out of it so the doctors started testing her rather than putting her on my stomach. Tyson says that my eyes were pretty glossed over, I was trembling and not really all there. I could hear London crying - a loud healthy cry. Tyson kept saying "it's over baby you did great" but I felt like I was run over. My whole body hurt. 

They kept me on the table waiting for my placenta to come out - which took 26 minutes. London only look 23. They started pushing on my stomach and I could feel everything. I started yelling "ouch that hurts!". I was very vocal as you can imagine. They had me push one more time and the placenta finally came out. I also needed stitches but had to feel every little prick from the numbing needle and even after that I could feel the stitches being done. It. Sucked. Again I started yelling at poor Dr. Burgess to stop but she had to keep going. 

They finally put London on my chest to try and distract me. London was beautiful. Looked a lot like Sydney but also had very distinct features. She was perfect. Having her on my chest made me slow down and finally see how lucky I was. 

They put her on my breast and she was so happy. It was much better than with Sydney. After about an hour they attempted to get me to get up to go pee, well my dizziness came back, I lost my hearing in my left ear and when I attempted to stand up I started to pass out. So they had to catheter - another crappy highlight. My friend Melissa was there holding London and Ty said she was so scared. They put more solution in my IV trying to get my blood pressure up. 

After another two hours we attempted to get me up again to transport me to my new room. Passed out again. By this time Tyson had left to go home to take care of Sydney who was still with Betsy. Tyson then took Sydney to the Thompson's house to sleep for the night. In the meantime our friend Allison Meakin came to the hospital to be with me. She held London and cried with me as I recapped my birth story. I was finally able to eat dinner. After the 3rd attempted to get me to stand up unsuccessfully they transported me along with the entire bed to my new room. 

Tyson came back around 930. We settled in to our new room for our first night with London. She was awesome. She would breastfeed every 3 hours and sleep in between. I was exhausted but also filled with lots of joy. Tyson was a trooper and changed every diaper since standing up was not an option for me. I have to say I was pretty sad that I was still having so  many issues with my balance even after giving birth naturally. I thought for sure I would be recovering faster and better. Sadly it was not the case. The next day was not much better. Breastfeeding became an issue because I could not look down without getting sick. They decided to keep me a 3rd day. The 2nd night at the hospital was the worse. London feed every hour and fussed all  night. I was exhausted from the day before, Tyson was exhausted. My whole body hurt - it was rough night. We started London on donor breast milk and she eat it sooooo fast. She also took her first pacifier. It was the only thing we could do to help me sleep. Oh man that was a long night. I remember crying in my hospital bed. I felt so alone and yet I was surrounded by nurses, staff and Tyson. 

Wednesday we started the check out process, which takes hours. Our favorite nurse Stephanie was there and was so helpful. She rocked! We finally checked out at 3 pm and headed home. It was a surreal couple of days. I was so sad to leave the hospital and scared to go home but I knew I had a bunch of help waiting for us at home. I felt better than I did with Sydney but still scared for the changes that we would feel. 

My overall experience with the natural birth vs medicated birth was not so positive. I''m amazed I was able to do it. The human body is amazing. However, I was not emotionally ready and because of that I think the experience was probably tainted. I mentally panicked with made my body start to shut down. Had I wanted and natural birth and prepared for it, it might have been a pretty neat experience. The initial post pardum process was much harder because I felt every little thing they were doing to my body. I really hated that part. Tyson kept saying how proud of me he was and how great I did, but I felt I did pretty poorly. So next time we decided to go the hospital WAY earlier since my labors progress so fast. 

Still I have a beautiful little girl. Healthy and whole. No matter how she got here - I'm just glad she made it and is blessing our family. Welcome sweet London!

London Birth Story Part 1

Monday morning 02/11/2013) I woke up around 4 pm because I was so uncomfortable. As usual I go to the bathroom and come back to bed but this time I noticed my so called "braxton hicks" were feeling different. The braxton hicks were a tightning of stomach but THESE contractions were pressure down  below - which I knew were different.

I did try to go back to bed but the next contraction came 10 minutes later and was more powerful. I left the bed and went to London's room. I decided to just stay there and rock myself and see if the contractions kept coming. They did. They weren't strong or awful, but consistant. I started practicing my breathing and saying my matras. At 530 am I decided to take a shower "just in case". I knew that I was still 13 days from my due date but I also knew this pregnancy was much harder and different than Sydney's.

At 7 am Sydney woke up and Tyson got her up. He came to see me and asked if I was ok. I told him that contractions were consistant but not painful. We started wondering if I should go into work. I was feeling good and thought I could go in but Ty said I should stay home. He quickly found me a replacement. He was off Monday anyway so he could help me with Sydney.

I kept myself as busy as possible. Tyson asked what I needed from him and I told him that I wanted the house clean. He then spent the next two hours vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, fixing the house. Sydney took a nap and I made sure all our stuff were packed for the hospital.

The contractions stopped for about an hour so I thought I had false labor. I decided to go to King Soopers and buy milk in case they came back. I left Ty with Sydney napping and I headed to Kings. By the time I arrived at Kings I started contractions again. I had a pretty strong one in the parking lot. I stood in between cars and breathed through the  contractions. I went inside, got groceries and headed to check out. I had another strong contraction. The lady in the checkout saw what was going asked and got all concerned. She offered to take my groceries to the car, which I gladly took.

I got home around 1130. I told Ty the contractions were stronger. We called Betsy Adams from the ward to come watch Sydney. She arrived at 1145, by which time the OB said to come in so they can do a labor check since my contractions were still 10 minutes apart. We showed Betsy the routine and some things Sydney likes. By 1245 the contractions we still 10 minutes apart but getting stronger. We left the house at 1:05 pm.

We were driving and I told Ty to stop at Wendys so he could get something to eat since he probably won't get to at the hospital. We stopped and ordered drive through. Right after Tyson paid and we picked up our food a really STRONG contraction came. It was strong and lasted what seemed like FOREVER! Tyson was squeezing my hand pressure point at the light when all of the sudden I felt this POP and water gushing. My water broke! My water broke! I had my water broken at the hospital so I had no idea what that would feel like. Well it was painful and very wet.

I started FREAKING out because I knew the baby was close if my water had broken. I started crying and Tyson got disoriented and missed our exit to the hospital. I started yelling "you missed the exit" and Tyson kept saying "no this way is faster" which was a complete lie but he was trying to keep me calm.

We kept driving. The contractions were strong but still 8-9 minutes apart. I kept praying "God just let me get to the hospital and it will all be ok". As we rounded the bed to enter the Good Sam complex and  the contractions were STRONG. I just kept wishing Ty could do a pressure point on my back because driving in the car SUCKS during contractions. We finally made it to the main entrance. Ty ran inside to get a volunteer to come get a wheel chair for me. I sat in the wheel chair and this sweet old lady wheeled me the elevator. She went as fast as possible but she was still slow. I kept trying to breath while Ty parked the car. We got the 3rd floor. We entered the wing and they were crazy and said they wanted to take me to triosh and I yelled "no my water broke and I'm bleeding so give me a room NOW." I also kept yelling " get the doctor because I progressed really fast last time". I got into the room, got undressed and they started to check me. The nurse looked up and said "call the doctor, she is ready to deliver now". I kept saying "I need the epidural, I need the epidural" and they kept saying "this baby is coming any minute. We don't have time".

Tyson had arrived at this point and was doing some pressure points which helped out alot. I kept sayign " I can't do this Tyson, they must give me something" and Ty just help my hand and said it was going to be ok. I wish I could say I was a tropper, put my big girl panties on and said "ok lets do this, but I wasn't. I was terrified, I wasn't emotionally ready for this and this felt like I was going to die. After my panic attack I said "ok give me a squatting bar I will not deliver on my back" because of the issues I had with Sydney. They got the bar for me and I started to squat, at the same time I was having a hard time breathing due to me panicking, so when I was squatting I felt my body run out of air and I started to pass out. All I remember was the Dr. Burgess saying "were loosing her"

Tyson and the nurses dragged me down on my back and even though I was passing out I was still fighting the. I was terrified to deliver the baby on my back, I was scared to do it naturally, I was scared I was going to feel my entire body rip in half. They put the oxygen mask on me and then the doctor said to push. I mustard every ounce of courage left in me and I pushed ....