Don't quit on what works

So I feel like ii have been In a rut. It started right after December and honestly it might have to do with me getting back on birth control but that's another story. Christmas time has never been super exciting for me.  I never celebrated it growing up because of being Jehovah witness, then I came here at 12 and never got to believe in Santa, and then my mom worked every single Christmas since I could remember. Honestly I never allowed myself go get too excited because I knew it would be a disappointment. Fast forward to me being 30, a mother and wife. Christmas still leaves  a small a numbness to myself. I just don't get too into it. I thought maybe with kids - but the girls are so small they could care less. I love having the tree up but then everything else just makes me sad. 

Tyson and I were talking about it and he said "what can I do to make you happy" and I said it was not his job to make  me happy. I make me happy. 

I got on my knees today and pleaded and shed tears. I asked my Heavenly Father for help and forgiveness. I just felt like we were very far away. I count my blessings at night, i turn to positive thoughts when I feel like I'm dwelling on bad ones, I have a simple life so I can hold, rock, read, play with my girls. I know I'm doing a lot of things well but this life is a test. Five more days to go. The one thing that I can honestly is how grateful I am for Tyson. He is my constant. I get so easily frustrated with him but luckily I can also recognize just how much he means to me almost just as fast. 

So my goal for the next couple of weeks is to keep trying and keep smiling and keep looking for a way to serve others. Like Sarah Bugarin once said " when life gets hard, don't quit on what is suppose to be helping you" don't quit on what works - yourself and the gospel" 

Those words hit me so hard and have been repeated mantras the last two weeks. So here to not quitting and here's to keeping on the going.